Salutations™!!

So, Super Bowl Sunday. The Big Game. Really? It was more like The Big Lame. Or Super Yawn 50. I am not saying that because of who won, because really, I didn’t care who won. I have always liked Peyton. Congrats, Sheriff. I don’t pull against (usually, unless they’re playing someone I like better) the Panthers but don’t really pull for them, either. But, when I think of Super Bowl, I think of flash and glimmer and high scores and interesting games. At least good commercials. None of that was there; not even the commercials.

The Panthers went into Santa Clara roaring cat and came out whimpering like a scalded dog, instead. Running off at the mouth, braggadocio spewing forth perceived dominance and basically making their detractors’ points more obvious. The Broncos went in with a

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little more couth (mostly) and let their on-field actions do the talking. Now, don’t get me wrong. Peyton really didn’t do anything to propel his team into the exosphere of greatness, but other than a couple of flubs, didn’t do anything to wreck them, either.

Cam surely didn’t do anything that resembled the potential greatness that he showed during the season, but he turned the ball over several times, over threw his receivers on multiple times and, while I almost don’t fault him for not going after that fumble (and actually skipping away), this is the big one, son, this is the one you’ve waited your whole life for. You’re bigger than the opposing team’s linebackers… attack! That was just wussing out, no bones about it. I took up for it at first but upon watching it again, you jived like someone threw a baseball at your feet; legs up and skipping away. That’s not a champion, that’s a spoiled brat.

What dominated, and won, this game was defense. Now, the Panthers showed up, too. I must set that straight, too. I give them their due and they did what they were supposed to do. You can’t give Peyton that much time and expect the “D” to come through 100% of the time. They gave Peyton just as much as the Broncos gave Cam, but Peyton only gave it up once. Cam did it twice and those led to scores, directly or indirectly. The officiating was about 75% right. The worst call was that incompletion, that was a catch. He did everything right. The other calls were penny-ante stuff. So, the Panthers fans crying that the NFL handed Manning his last hurrah, quit bitching. You’re not Patriots fans, so stop acting like it. That was the only call that mattered. It wasn’t roughing in the endzone, no matter how much of a tantrum that Cam wants to throw. It doesn’t matter if the ball was uncatchable in the endzone, holding is holding. Stop making excuses. You’ll most likely be back next year. Hopefully, the team has matured by then.

Speaking of mature!? Cam’s post-game “presser” was anything but tactful or classy. I know you’re upset and no I’ve never been in that situation, but still, you have to act like you have some adult in you. That was a full on pouting session. Bottom lip quivering, hoodie on, sad-sack face, whispering into the microphone and then walking away like the little boy who didn’t like that someone got him with the two hand touch, took his ball and went crying to Mommy. This little Cam cried “wee wee wee” all the way home.  “I don’t know what you want me to say,” he says. We want you to answer some danged questions, son! How much do you make again? Act like your testes have dropped!

I get it, they lost, they’re destroyed, they were out-played, they were out-classed. By every right, you should have won that game. But, your big egos and superstar attempts were no match for determination and prowess. Pick yourselves up and learn from this. You’ll be there next year. Show us that you’re ready next time. Congrats to Von Miller for being a true superstar but letting us tell you that instead of you telling us.

The halftime show was a joke. I like Coldplay (yes, I admit that) but Chris Martin was winded the whole time. Beyonce is so overdone. That outfit was way too skimpy for that bodyshape. I get it that you’ve had two kids. But, that doesn’t change the fact that you didn’t fit into that outfit. Plus, that song is rehashed and boring. You’re boring. Thank (insert deity here) for Bruno Mars. Then again, pick a different song, dude! Do anything  new. If there must be a halftime show (and I don’t think there should be), at least make the performers American. It’s ok if someone in a band isn’t but if the artist is American-based, they should get to play. The Brits only care about American football when there’s a game over there and that’s only because it’s a party, not because they care about the game. American game : American artist.

Thank (insert deity, again) for Lady Gaga. I was never a Whitney Houston fan, don’t care, won’t care, you can’t convince me she did any better than Gaga did. For all the flack she has gotten, she shut everyone up, or at least everyone should shut up, about her last night. She even put her hand over her heart, no one else does that. She did great and that was the highlight of the game.

The commercials were awful, save a few. I have to say, what the ***k was that puppymonkeybaby thing and WHY!? We’ve gotten so far gone on the shock factor that it doesn’t even make sense to the people that it’s targeting. My son didn’t even get it. I don’t think he found it funny, either. Worst yet, not only did someone come up with that; someone approved it and someone paid $5MILLION dollars for it!!!!!! I will just reiterate something that I said on both Twitter and Facebook. Worst. Super. Bowl. EVER!!!!!

Okay, I’ll put away my old-man Gen Xer soapbox now. Just grow up Cam, get over it Patriots Panthers fans, retire Peyton (you’ve got the record) and Aqib Talib, I’ll give you a 6.5 out of 10 on the landing (if anyone saw the NFL Network post-show, you’ll get it).

Until tomorrow, same blog channel…
Scorp out!

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“They want to be famous. We want to be champions. They want to be rappers and backup dancers. We want to play football.” – T.J. Ward