Salutations™!!

Yesterday The BCPF tried to kill me!

That’s not true, of course. But, I like to make things a little dramatic. Not as in drama, but overplayed realness. But, what the heck am I talking about?

Last night for dinner, she made a fantastic orange-sauced pork chop with brussels sprouts and this cauliflower risotto thing from a bag. It all tasted good. I didn’t care for the cauliflower stuff because, as we know, I’m not a fan of substitute food. I don’t mean using healthier alternatives as ingredients. I mean cauliflower as a grain substitute (in this instance).  I’m not the biggest fan of brussels sprouts, either, but I let that slide. I ate it all, including the cauliflower because I don’t like to complain about being fed.

It was “all good.” I watched my ‘rasslin’ and went about my business. I got up to the call of nature and there it was. That smell. What in the world!? That aspara-pee smell. Ugh.

There are few things I despise in this world more than that smell my pee takes on after eating asparagus, or as I call it, asparagross. The taste of asparagross isn’t awful, but it’s certainly not my favorite and when you add that horrible pee smell to it, it makes it just not worth eating. Sometimes asparagross is slimy. Sometimes it’s too tough. I just can’t get into it.

If I didn’t have aspara-pee I may eat more of it, but because I loathe that smell so much, it is off my radar. Chef Travis and his team try to work it in secretly and sit back and watch my reaction. That’s the only thing I won’t eat that he makes (according to my TLD shpiel).

Now, I will admit that I didn’t know the asparagross was in the cauliflower last night and, in her defense, neither did The BCPF. I couldn’t taste it, because there wasn’t a lot of flavor in the whole cauliflower risotto thing, to begin with. That, and we covered it with the orange glaze from the sauce on the main dish.

So, no, she didn’t try to kill me, and she didn’t deliberately set out to get me riled. It just happened. I will have to watch her sly self from now on, though. Make sure she doesn’t sneak any more of that vile, disgusting weed into my food again.

Until tomorrow, same asparagross free channel…
Scorp out!

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“Ooooh that smell. Can’t you smell that smell? Ooooh that smell. The smell of death surrounds you.” – “That Smell” (Van Zant/Collins)