I hate arguing.
I say that. I don’t know that I do. I hate conflict. I’ll go with that. I hate people telling me what to do, even when they’re right; even if only partially.
I know what it is. I’m contrary, hard-headed and obtuse. It is exactly what it is. Most who know me know how I (and we) deal with it. Sometimes that’s not easy, either. We get over it, we get through it. Because I do the things I do, the way I do, it creates friction. Maybe it’s the Scorpio in me? It’s even worse when there’s more than one Scorpio involved. We gotta be right. All of us. Some of us back down, some of us don’t. Some of us do, eventually but not easily.
Here’s the thing about me, though. When I do get upset, it’s a flash flare. I equate it to a matchstick. You ignite that sulfurous tip and the gets hot, real fast. But after that initial flash, the flame gets smaller and within seconds (or several minutes, in some cases) it’s out and the stick has cooled to the touch. Burnt, yes, but not still afire. That’s me. Let me blow up and I’m done in a matter of minutes. Sometimes its an hour or so, but not often. Boom! Aftermath.
The aftermath is usually pretty dormant. I love change but hate changing. Not meaning that I’m self-centered and things have to be my but meaning the actual process of changing (and a little self-centeredness). A lot of times I won’t like the initial idea but you have to give me time to process it. I usually come around but it takes time. I have my ideas and they have theirs. Not always do the two meet in the middle. Sometimes it’s just not the way it is. Meh. Whoopee! Who cares? Do whatever the (expletive) you want! That’s usually my response. When I get it in return, what do I say? Whatever. And not in a good way. That tends to not go over well, either.
Sometimes I can’t win, but sometimes I don’t need to. Suck it up man! I’ll say to myself and usually that’s enough. I said this earlier: I’m contrary. Sometimes when it’s the Scorpio v Scorpio, it’s like rams butting horns. Sometimes it’s worse. I guess I have to live with that at times. Eh, we bounce back. We always do. Soon, it’s business as usual and all is well. I’m thinking that’s a yes on my part, anyway.
Okay, enough vagueness for the day! I’m stewing and I deal with that. I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening or reading, even if it is with a confused and furrowed brow. I know that blank expression, I see it every single day, in the mirror. I promise tomorrow won’t be this dark or weird. Well, it’s me, so I guess I can’t make that promise. Peace!
Until tomorrow, same blog channel…
“Be calm in arguing; for fierceness makes error a fault, and truth discourtesy.” – George Herbert